Monday, January 12, 2009

For some reason reality set in the first weekend Andrew was born about how sick he really was and somehow that reality slipped away from me. He's maintained his weight really well and now he's really starting to gain weight and grow. Last night he weighed 6lb 10oz. It's really deceiving holding him, feeding him 80 ml of formula and seeing him want more. He's awake from early, early morning until mid afternoon looking around and checking out his little crib. He falls asleep after we feed him in the afternoon and then he only wakes up to eat until about 2 or 3 a.m. By that I mean he only wakes up for his feedings between that time. He doesn't sleep for 12 hrs.
One of his doctors gave us the go ahead Saturday afternoon to try him off the nasal cannula. I was changing his clothes and after about 15 mins off the oxygen his stats were fine. The doctor happened to be standing there and thought..why not..let's give it a try. Drew was able to stay on room air a little over 2 hrs before going back on the oxygen. I thought he did wonderful..2 hrs is a long time after being on oxygen every day of your life. He has started sleeping so sound late afternoons and evening that his oxygen is turned up to 45%-60% and he's on a little lower in the mornings. The doctor also told us they would like to monitor him 5-7 days after he's off oxygen to make sure he has no apnea spells or anything. That's comforting knowing we'll be bringing home a healthy little boy. On the other hand that tells us we've got a ways to go to get him home.
Last night was really hard for me. I called a little after 10 to check on him and he was swinging. They had him in a swing keeping him occupied until time for his feeding. After hanging up I lost it..tears, runny nose, couldn't breathe, the works. This is our last little baby and still we haven't had the opportunity to bring any of our children home and cuddle with them or anything within days of being born. I'm sure this sounds like I'm a whining...I just can't help it. Drew is days from being a month old and still our family is split between locations. Many families have to go through much harder times I know, but for us this is harder than what we had with our triplets and that's tough. Thinking of my little boy laying in a nursery crib, looking around for hours just isn't comforting. I feel like I should be right there...and I can't. Hearing he was in a swing last night just brought the reality back. He's growing and changing and he's experiencing things like a swing, bouncer, baths, etc. in the hospital and for all of those firsts we haven't been there. It's heartbreaking. On the other hand he's where he needs to be. His nurses spoil him and I truly feel like they give him special attention. I'm just having a hard time right now...keep us all in your Prayers.


Joe & Sarah Fratesi Family said...

You are truly stronger than I can even imagine!! Your family is in my prayers everyday, and please let me know if you need anything! Hang in there!

ski said...

I am SO sorry youre having such a difficult time with this right now. I completely remember all of those feelings and I was only 30 minutes from Will, 15 if I had to be there in a hurry! Yes, he is having a whole lot of firsts without the entire family but he is going to have SOOOOO manny more. The first time his bro/sisters hold his bottle for him at HOME. I promise his first tooth will be at home! There are so mannt more fists that will happen at home, with you and Alan and the trips. I remember crying and being just heart broken over what some people would say are the silliest things. So if you nedd or want to call and just vent your anger and frustrations, please feel free.

Tennille said...

I wish you had called me last night-I really do. Maybe I could have stopped you from totally losing it. I know how you feel but believe me, it's a much better situation than if he were home with you right now and had a spell.

The doctors and nurses are taking wonderful care of him and just think, when he gets home, you can spoil him all the more!!!

I love you- hang in there!!

Mary Katherine said...

I have been checking the blog almost everyday for updates on my little man. I can't wait to meet him and I know that you can't wait to get him home! But you also know that he is where he needs to be and is getting really good care and getting stronger everyday. If you need anything please let me know!

Hang in there he will be home REAL soon love ya!!!

Lyndsay said...

Michelle- We are praying for you and little Andrew! I am so glad you are able to keep us updated on your blog so we know how to pray specifically every day. You're an amazing woman and I would've lost it a month ago! I am so glad he is doing better and I can't wait to do his little footprints for you! That's another first to look forward to! Love you girl. Hugs!